seasick, carsick, morningsick

how can something that is currently the size of a blueberry make me so sick?? Basically from the day I found out I was pregnant I have felt nauseated.. I do NOT remember it being this bad with Ainsley.. All day it comes and goes in waves. If I'm not constantly chowing down on crackers or sucking on hard candies and I spend most of the day laying there moaning. I know it was 3 years ago, but even Tom has mentioned he doesn't remember me whining this much, lol.

I had my ultrasound. All looks good. Saw the tiny pea, heard the heartbeat. Was told all looks good and healthy. I feel much better now, it's officially real, and I never got this far along last time. I'd lost it about a week before. So, I'm feeling good that all will be well, and I'm starting to think of posting it on my regular blog and facebook, but I'd like to come up with some cute way, but that takes effort.. and going back to the previous paragraph.. I don't have a lot in me right now. As you guys might have noticed from the lack of posts here. The only reason I'm posting now is my sweet husband got up and changed Ainsley and is keeping an eye on her out in the living room so I can rest a little bit more. I'm awake tho.. and when I'm preg I do remember that once I'm up, there's no going back to sleep. Not that it stops me from napping later in the day, lol, but it's hard to get cozy when you want to sick up. So I decided to take advantage of my free moments and update the ol' blog.

I got an adorable picture of Ains on a pumpkin at Disneyland and decided instead of Christmas cards to do Halloween cards. Is that weird? or Crazy? I know people who do Valentines cards cuz Christmas is too crazy, but I'm not sure of the protocol for pre-christmas cards. I figured it was something I could get out of my way and not worry about during the holidays. They came in the mail and I'm planning on getting them out today.. so no way they will make it for the actual Halloween, but oh well. They are super cute. They also announce to all my extended friends and family that I'm expecting. I worried about whether or not I should do that. Is it totally jinxing me and just asking for something bad to happen?? I decided not to be superstitious and I'm hoping it doesn't come back to bite me. So that's what I'm doing with the rest of my energy for now. :) So if anyone has any cute ideas of how to tell I'm preg on my other blog, I'd love to hear!

Ok, I know it wasn't the post of the year or anything, but it's all I got in me.. gotta go get some crackers, lol.

For your viewing pleasure

and now.. something funny.


I love these guys..

I would die for that

this is not the kind of thing an emotional pregnant woman should be watching.. now a total bawl baby I had to share. I first watched this video a couple months ago and it hurt in all kids of ways. Watching it again today I could remember all that, and understand the pain in the womens faces, and yet feel so happy and so lucky at the same time. I know I promised not to turn this into one huge blubbering blog about being a mom.. but it really is a huge part of who I am. And I've been in a place where I didn't know if I would get to 'bring a dream to life'.. and that's a dark place. I wish for every woman who wants to be a mother to get the chance.. however it happens. I love you all.

Baby love

Well, I'm still pregnant. (Yay!) And I have an ultrasound on the 23rd. So that's exciting. :)
It still seems so unreal. I'm looking at double strollers and talking about names.. and its still so hard to imagine that we will really get this new little person in our lives. Ainsley is our whole world. I love her so much that sometimes it actually, literally hurts, it swells up inside of me and I feel like there's not room for it in my body. It's hard to imagine having double that love. It's 3am (yes, I'm turning into an insomniac or something), I turned off the tv and all the lights and then went to sneak a peak at my little girl before I went to bed, a nightly habit. Today had been a crazy day, I had to go to the U in the morning for an appt and left her here with Tom (awesome perks of a hubby who works from home). I got back in time to feed her lunch and put her down for a nap. As soon as she woke up it was time for me to leave for a girls night out with my two college roommies who are also preg. We went maternity shopping. :) (Got a super cute pair of jeans.. pic later perhaps if ya'll want to see my awesome booty, haha) It was a blast, and so good to see them again.

But when I got home she was in bed, and as I watched Ainsley laying there sleeping I realized how little I had seen her today, and I just missed her. I had to stop myself from gathering her up into my arms and sitting in the rocking chair for a while. Even now I'm thinking it wouldn't be that bad.. she'd go back to sleep.. lol. Probably not a good habit to get into. I don't want to be your typical sappy mormon housewife here... but I love being a stay at home mommy for her. Someday I'd like to get my masters and work in a field I enjoy, but these moments are so fleeting.. I can't imagine missing them for the world. I'm so excited to welcome someone to our little family, it's felt like there was someone missing.. I'm excited.. and nervous and happy and terrified and full of so many emotions. How do people handle this??

Ok, I promise this will not become a pregnancy blog.. but tonight my heart was so full.. and that's one of the reasons I have this new blog... for overwhelming feelings and thoughts that I need to get out at 3am so I can go to sleep. Well, thanks for listening to me again, all you lovely ladies and the vast universe out there that I send this all out into. Goodnight.

Do you want to know a secret..

ooh, ah, ooh.. (think Beatles, lol)

It's been a few days since I posted here... mostly because I'm busting with news and trying not to let it out. I am horrible at keeping a secret. (Not at keeping other peoples secrets.. I'm trustworthy.. I just can't keep my own secrets to myself). I really planned on waiting until things were a little more settled.. but hey, I just can't do it. I'm too excited.

And so without further ado..





ah!! Lucky month worked!! Woohoo for lucky month! I'm totally excited and only a little freaked out. lol.

So, I think I'm about 5 weeks along. Babycenter.com estimates my due date at June 12th, 5 days after Ainsley's birthday. This will mean that all our birthdays are within a month of each other. I guess we're meant to be a summer family. I have an appt on Tuesday and they are scheduling an early ultrasound sometime in the next week.

ok.. well.. I am still trying to keep this a little on the down-low. I'm slowly letting it out, so please don't post about this on facebook or my regular blog. But I just wanted to let some people know.. and I figure, if you're reading this blog, you're cool.. lol. ok, I meant.. you care about my crazy inner thoughts.. and I appreciate that. And I need a place to let out all the crazy inner thoughts I'm having now, lol. I think after my ultrasound I'll probably tell all the close family and maybe even announce on my regular blog. Thanks for letting me share. :)

p.s. I hope you guys enjoyed my funny video and didn't take it as me being smug, lol.

Carbs = Happiness

What is it about biting into something that is warm, and soft and sweet? *sigh* These are what my dreams are made of. I have had a lovely, fattening few days up here at the cabin. So far I've made cinnamon rolls, chocolate chip cookies and french toast with fresh strawberries & butter cream sauce (sorry, I forgot to get a pic of that). I always feel that's what cabins are for. When here I like to stay in my pajamas, bake, cook dinners for people that enjoy them, go on short walks, watch movies and sleep... that's about it.

If I'm going to be here for more than a night or two I will bring something to work on. Since this trip is long I brought two projects. The never ending Ainsley scrapbook and the jewelry making things I got 5 years ago and haven't touched for almost 3. I'm determined to use it up making a ton of baby bracelets to sell. I have no faith in my jewelry making abilities but I can generally manage to make baby bracelets. I still think they are really basic and not original or cool in anyway.. but they are cutesy and i can picture them on little baby arms.. so we'll see.

The cinnamon rolls turned out divine. Tom's already bugging me to make more, and since we have new guests now that didn't get a chance to have any it's really only my duty as a hostess to comply. ;) They are so soft and moist, and I think the cream cheese frosting gives it a little something extra. The cookies I made from a new recipe I'd never used before. A friend had posted them on her blog and since she'd said the were 'the best choc chip cookies ever' I had to give it a try. They turned out a little different than hers, mostly because she used a 1/4 c to measure out the dough and I used a tbsp. I like little cookies, seems like there's more to go around, and you can't feel guilty eating just one more little one.. lol. She warned me to make them bigger because they were crispy on the outside and the chewy on the inside and she wasn't sure the little ones would have enough mass to get the chewy on the inside part. I, however, am a rebel.. and had already dished out one pans worth, so I forged on with the little ones. And, except for the first batch which I cooked too long, I thought they were amazing. They still had both a crispy and chewy factor, and really loved a departure for my usual recipe for a change. I did do one pan of the larger kind, but either to a lack of baking powder or flour they didn't stay big like hers. But they were still tasty. I may make cookies again this weekend.. maybe peanut butter.. or my usual choc chip. New is always fun.. but familiar is warm and cozy.

Tomorrow's plan for increasing my depressing waist size is a big american breakfast:Eggs, hashbrowns, sausage, bacon and more french toast.. (maybe i'll remember to snag you a picture.. but it's hard to think clearly when that magical goodness, as Tom calls it, is in front of me). And I think for dinner we're making homemade pizza. I've got a homemade dough recipe from the same book that I got my cinnamon roll recipe, so I'm pretty confident in it. I've never made pizza dough from scratch before tho.. so I guess we'll see. And I'm really supposed to use have reg flour and half wheat.. and i was too cheap to buy two kinds of flour for this trip.. hopefully this will not affect it too much. Don't worry, I'll let you know how it goes.
Now, unbelievably, it's 2:30 in the morning.. I have GOT to go to bed. Must be able to focus tomorrow.