Sisterhood

I don't know if I've mentioned it here before or not.. but the area we live in is still pretty new, and they are building new homes around us all the time, and they are always trying to catch up on the things around us to support all these new people. This means that the ward of our church we go to has been HUMONGOUS. For those of you aware of the normal size and scope of an LDS ward, let me just say that it looked like Stake conference every week. It's been nuts. We knew they'd eventually be splitting our ward, and it finally happened a couple weeks ago.

We were very excited about the split because 1. we'd finally have a normal sized ward and wouldn't be stuck sitting in the very back of the gym on the hard metal chairs. 2. the new ward met at 11am, my favorite meeting time :). and 3. we could finally get to know people, and not feel lost in a sea of crazy mormons, lol. Sadly however, our two good friends, the Nelson's and the Kitterman's ended up on the other side of the dividing line. Only in Utah would people who live one block away from you will end up in a different ward. In Texas I drove an hour to get to my tiny branch!

It was kind of depressing when we found out they wouldn't be in our ward anymore. When we first moved into our house we met a nice couple in our ward and made friends.. and then the ward split, and they ended up in the other ward.. now it splits again and my friends end up in the other ward. Makes ya feel like somebody out there doesn't want you to have friends in your ward.

Due to various travels, baby blessings and sickness Sunday a week and a couple days ago was the first time we'd been able to make it to the whole block of meetings since we split. I was very tempted to use the prego card and go home after sacrament. I was tired, achey, hungry, uncomfortable.. I just didn't want to be there. However now we have a little girl who adores going to her nursery class... and so I stuck it out. Tho I definitely did not have a good attitude. I sat with Tom in Sunday school looking around at all these strangers, feeling like I didn't fit it, I didn't have any friends here, and chances are I wouldn't make any. I was having a complete pity party in my head. After this I DEFINITELY wanted to go home.. but that would've meant pulling the previously mentioned little girl out of her nursery class to slink home... so I stuck it out again.

In relief society I was asked to give the opening prayer. I hate giving the prayer.. I never know what to say.. I feel like there's all this pressure.. and you have to make sure it's not too short or you sound like you dont care.. and not too long, cuz then people start rolling their eyes under their closed eyelids.. anyway.. I just don't like doing it. But I did. I stood and I thanked Heavenly Father for 'the wonderful sisters in our ward' (even tho I in no way knew or believed them to be wonderful) and asked for us to 'appreciate each other'.

I don't think I have had a prayer answered so quickly in all my life.

The lesson was on a conference talk about loving each other.. and it ended up being one of those great lessons where everyone talks and gets personal and real... and not about how we could all learn to love another better, lol. A couple minutes into the lesson somebody commented something along the lines of 'I'm sorry.. but some people are just toxic and too hard to love and you have to walk away'.. and the lesson took on a life of it's own. And I saw these women as people.. not as these perfect little LDS stereotypes sitting there judging little imperfect me, but as real people with real problems and insane relatives and crazy friends, just like me. :)
And some of them were SO funny! We were all laughing and crying.. and I thought for the first time, you know what.. I could belong here. These ARE great women.. I could find a place here, I could find people who like me for me, and who I can appreciate too.

I think, as LDS women it can be so easy to try and make yourself into what you think you are supposed to be. It was so freeing and wonderful for me to see these women just being themselves. I've probably said this before.. but there are few things I believe as passionately as I believe that women need other women. I hope I can learn from these women.. and be brave enough to be myself. (is there anything scarier than being yourself and putting it out there on the line?? or is that just me?)

I just want to thank all you great women out there who have been my friend, and been yourselves. I think you are all amazing, and I'm so grateful for your friendship. Here's hoping us all may have the courage to be ourselves and the companionship of other wonderful women.
Love you guys.. and a late Happy Mother's day to all the women in my world.. whether they are mother's now or not. Women are the mother's of the world.. and they are all needed, at whatever stage of life they are in.

ok, now I'm going to stop typing and go to bed. Goodnight Fair Maidens and Crazy Vixens. You all rock.